Let Go From The Get Go

Songs From The Age Of Human Error by Kerry JK
I originally wrote the main hook line for this, “Everybody wants to be somebody (else)”, for a poem called “The Clique” back around 1997.  I found it again in my old notebook around 2011 and developed it into the funk jam that became this song.  

In the fourteen years in between I went from being a pure jazz musician to a goth to a Christian, I adopted  a variety of names and identities  for different projects, explored my gender and sexuality and experienced all manner of social groupings and life experiences, only to find after all that I’m not that much different from when I began, it’s just slightly more in perspective now.

Everybody wants to be somebody (else)
Everybody wants to be somebody (else)
Everybody wants to be somebody
Nobody wants to be a nobody
But I wouldn’t want to be nobody else.

In a world so harsh, uncaring, competitive and rough
You can often get the feeling that you’re just not good enough
So you try to be more popular, try to be the star
Change yourself, homogenise
But you’re amazing as you are

Let go from the get go
Why sacrifice for someone else’s dreams?
Folks will snipe and criticise
Folks will hate you too
But the answer isn’t always what it seems
We are created as we are, not as we’re wanted to be
You can’t improve a flower by wishing it a tree

Everybody wants to be somebody (else)
Everybody wants to be somebody (else)
Everybody wants to be somebody
Nobody wants to be a nobody
But I wouldn’t want to be nobody else

Let go – don’t spend your life a wannabe
Don’t waste your time distressing on what others want to see
You can wear all kinds of uniform
Join the army, join a mob
And stand up for whatever views might justify the job
But who’re we fooling anyway?
You’re not an actor in a play
The devil sings the sweetest song
To those who just want to belong

Everybody wants to be somebody (else)
Everybody wants to be somebody (else)
Everybody wants to be somebody
Nobody wants to be a nobody
But I wouldn’t want to be nobody else.

Let go from the get go
Let go from the get go
Let go from the get go

Blessed are the misfits, blessed are the freaks
Blessed are the losers, ’cause we’re all of us unique
It’s not good for your sanity, it’s not good for your health
When you set out to destroy the things
That remind you of yourself
‘Cause when you’ve finished changing everything that you’re about
You’ll find yourself no different to how you started out

Everybody wants to be somebody (else)
Everybody wants to be somebody (else)
Everybody wants to be somebody
Nobody wants to be a nobody
But I wouldn’t want to be nobody else.

Yourself

Songs From The Age Of Human Error by Kerry JK
Dedicated to a number of generous and selfless individuals I have known over the years who would think nothing of bending over backwards to help and be there for others, wonderful positive people who deserve permission to kick back and indulge themselves without feeling the need to apologise.

On the town every night
The life and soul of every social gathering
No time for yourself
Pleased to help, aim to please
Such noble thoughts as these to you come naturally
No time for yourself
Spread yourself so thinly, always giving more
A constant stream of people coming to your door
Make time for everybody
But never think to make time for yourself

Life’s a blast, it never ends
So many great friends and boundless energy
No time for yourself
Work all day, play all night
It’s alright, you wouldn’t want it any other way
But, now and then, find yourself.
Sample everything, retain what feels right
Taste the thrill of victory without a fight
Make time for everybody
But remember everyone includes yourself.

A Falling Tree

Songs From The Age Of Human Error by Kerry JK

A salute to the legion of musicians and artists you’ve never heard of, who continue to produce art not because they dream of stardom or even expect an audience, but because it’s who they are and what they do.

I write the songs that no-one ever hears
Mine is a face that no-one would revere
My voice is loud but barely makes a sound
My light is brightest when nobody’s around

I don’t seek celebrity
Plasticised identity
Constrained creativity
Rather be a falling tree

My colours change with shadows and sunbeams
My mind’s a chaos of nightmares, thoughts and dreams
My mood is shifting and volatile at times
My skin is patterned with unique fractal lines

I don’t seek celebrity
Plasticised identity
Constrained creativity
Rather be a falling tree

I don’t seek celebrity
Plasticised identity
Constrained creativity
Proud to be a falling tree

Don’t Want To Choose

Songs From The Age Of Human Error by Kerry JK
It bothers me that so much in life that claims to be about personal freedom and expression actually amounts to pressure to pick a side.

It’s been said so many times it has to be true
You can never have your cake and eat it up too
Well that may be so but I’ve still got to try
I want to have my cake, eat it, taste it, share it, love it
I don’t want to choose
I don’t want to choose
I don’t want to choose

You’ve got to hold fast, pin your colours to the mast
Don’t change your game, stay the same as when they saw you last
Am I a boy or a girl?
How do I fit in this world?
Am I rich or poor, black or white, do I give up?
I don’t want to choose
I don’t want to choose
I don’t want to choose

Do you think that I’m sick ’cause I don’t deny the feelings I have inside?
Do you think I’m a freak ’cause I don’t want to find a safe place to run and hide?
Do you think I’m a coward ’cause I don’t want to fight for your ignorance?
When did freedom become such a dirty word?

The world isn’t black, the world isn’t white
They try to tell me that it is but I know it isn’t right
It’s a world of many colours, so much wonderful stuff
One life per person really isn’t enough
I don’t want to choose
I don’t want to choose
I don’t want to choose

Do you think that I’m sick ’cause I don’t deny the feelings I have inside?
Do you think I’m a freak ’cause I don’t want to find a safe place to run and hide?
Do you think I’m a coward ’cause I don’t want to fight for your ignorance?
When did freedom become such a dirty word?

The Age Of Human Error

Songs From The Age Of Human Error by Kerry JK
 

Inspired by a quote by the American journalist Florence King, who declared that we were living in the age of human error because everyone was too busy fantasising about what they could or should be.  But who says that’s such a bad thing?

If having all the answers means no longer asking questions
Then wisdom’s not all it’s crack up to be
Smelting down the infinite for a sword and shield of truth
In a citadel of desperate certainty
Never let fear of being wrong confine you in any way
What’s a little confusion amongst friends?
I hope the age of human error never ends

Self-consciously defending a guilt-edged silver throne
No empire ever rose that never fell
But the path of human progress is no game of zero sum
And superiority suits no-one well
Never let position of privilege confine you in any way
Pride loses more than it defends
I hope the age of human error never ends

Fantasise of what we might be
Realise it’s not wrong to dream
It never is to late to make amends
I hope the age of human error never ends

If you dream about tomorrow you must pay for it today
And those dreams about tomorrow may still up and fly away
While the cost of never living is to simply never try until you die
Better to have failed and tried again
I hope the age of human error never ends

Never let fear of anything confine you in any way
It never is to late to make amends
I hope the age of human error never ends

Sunlight In The Heart Of The Machine

Sunlight In The Heart Of The Machine by Kerry JK
Trapped in a state of insecurity
Who’s to blame for this?
How can we be rid of that?
Burning up the land, it’s hard to understand
How quickly unity’s upset
Are the people that you’ve never met
The ones you see around you all the time?

It’s a big world with a billion minds
And not much time to explore it all
Chase your dream, although it might not be seen
There is sunlight in the heart of the machine

Demons in high places pitch and stoke the fire
While angels close their wings
Too afraid to try new things
Ducking and surviving while their neighbours burn
Mob mentality’s at play
Hate and distrust rules the day
Who will be left to speak for you?

It’s a big world with a billion minds
And not much time to explore it all
Chase your dream, although it might not be seen
There is sunlight in the heart of the machine

The clock keeps ticking ’till it comes back around
Worked by friction, wound by fear
Everybody knows the mistakes of the past
But they’re so sure it could never happen here
Are you ready for the coming war?
Does it make you want it any more?
But there’s a glimmer in the sea of faces
Life finds a way in the darkest places

credits
from Sunlight In The Heart Of The Machine, released January 18, 2017
Written, performed and produced by Kerry JK

The Possible Police

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You say that this cannot be done
That you’re a fool to even try
You treat your prospects with disdain
A hundred thousand reasons why
You’re only ever bound to fail
You shoot your vision down in flames
You think your ideas are a mess
You think that dreams are pipedreams
No’s so much easier than yes
Send your ambition to the jail
Tell me, who are you
Who are you, the possible police

When you were just a hopeful child
Standing excited on the shore
Imagination running wild
It felt like you could fight a war
In that way that only children dream
But then the world came closing in
Debt, doubt, responsibility
You had to hold position
Much better not to set to sea
Than risk it all on some mad scheme
But tell me, who are you
Who are you, the possible police

Are you scared of what might lurk
In the dark corners of your mind?
Afraid of showing weakness
Terrified of what you’ll find
What if you’re nothing special after all?
But your champion is there
Still stood waiting on that beach
For you to give yourself permission
To push out way beyond your reach
And keep on even if you fall
So tell me, who are you
Who are you, the possible police

 

Curious

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Curious – Quicksand Kerry

She’s so young, she’s so sweet, she’s so inviting
She’s the cream, the wet dream of all her schoolmates
They’re curious and so is she
She wants to know about all she’s read of in the magazines
She’s petite, so fit, so innocent
Jailbait party girl, but it’s wearing thin

Her body is changing, her mind is expanding
Her history’s building, her life is closing in

They’re so young, they’re so strong, they’re so inviting
What they want’s what you flaunt, see where the power is
They get so upset when you won’t play ball, are you worried that you’ll lose it all?
They’re so drunk, they’re so thick, they’re yours to play with
Don’t concern yourself with trying to change them

Her body is changing, her mind is expanding
Her history’s building, her life is closing in

They’re curious and so is she
She wants to know about all she’s read of in the magazines…

She’s so young, she’s so sweet, so much potential
But such haste, what a waste
She should have more control

Her body is changing, her mind is expanding
Her history’s building, her life is closing in

_____________________________________________________________________________

I wrote this around 2002, possibly inspired by Depeche Mode’s “A Question Of Time” and The Slits’ “So Tough”.  In the clubs and circles I  was moving in at the time I’d known a lot  of  teenage girls who would come on to the scene at  that awkward age when childish naivety and eagerness to please feeds into first opportunities to explore the adventures of adulthood, only to get taken advantage of, used and left cynical, bitter shells of what they once were.

I Am

 

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Do you feel insignificant and lost?
Do you fear you’re wasting life just chasing par?
Take comfort knowing that the creature in the mirror
Is not necessarily the person that you are
Are trapped in a cocoon not of your making
Built from expectations heaped on you since accident of birth?
Break down the walls and let your wings unfold
And show the world exactly what you’re worth

And if they try to put you in your place
To put you in disgrace
You just look them in the eye and say,
I am!

I am amazing
I am fantastic
I am human
I am beautiful
You can’t control me
You won’t destroy me
I have strength, I have power
I’m on top of the world

Do you worry about what other people think?
Let no-one else dictate what you should be
A battle fought and lost can still be worth the cost
Respect is rarely given out for free
Do you compare yourself unfavourably to others?
Do you think yourself the ugly duckling shunned by all the rest?
Throw down your mask and show your real face
And make the world accept you at your best

And if they try to put you in your place
To put you in disgrace
And make you want to hide your face
If they try to put you in your place
You just look them in the eye
And you tell them with a smile,
These words:
I am!

I am amazing
I am fantastic
I am human
I am beautiful
You can’t control me
You won’t destroy me
I have strength, I have power
I’m on top of the world

______________________________

Solo acoustic version released for free download on International Transgender Day of Visibility (31st March 2016).

Saint Sarah

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Through rain and snow she’ll be there
She doesn’t mind humiliation
The more she has to go through
The greater her claim
To martyrdom
Passers-by taunting her brimstone oration
Saint Sarah
Stands
Alone
With a book in her hand
And a voice in her head
She knows she must warn the people
Of the fate
That awaits them
After they’re dead

Not through sympathy
Not through empathy
Not through sisterly concern
Does she spend her days
Shouting at people to change their ways
She’s righteous

Every religion begins with persecution
Deep down she longs for the ridicule
That helps stake her claim
To holiness
She’s not a cult, she’s a messenger
Saint Sarah
Stands
Alone
With a book in her hand
And a voice in her head
She keeps herself going smiling over
The fate
That awaits them
After
They’re
Dead.

__________________

Inspired by a street preacher who used to ply her trade in the centre of Leeds – watching her as she bellowed at the passing crowds who would heckle and laugh at her, I began to suspect that enduring abuse from the heathen masses was actually closer to the point of the exercise than convincing people to convert to her religion or helping them in any way. 

From my  own spiritual journey, I’ve noticed approaches to religion (and secular philosophy for that matter) tend be about either opening yourself up to the enormity of creation or closing down the universe to something that better fits your own ideas.  I’m also uncomfortably aware that Saint Sarah’s self righteous wannabe martyrdom is something we’re all guilty of sometimes.  I’m probably guilty of it right now.