Month: January 2016

The Happy Fool

January 12, 2016 — Leave a comment

Songs From The Age Of Human Error by Kerry Jackson-Kay

Sometimes it’s so hard not to take it to heart
When I’m left feeling stupid when I’m meant to be smart
Well, I’ve made up my mind
I’m going to leave it behind
And I’m not going to fake anymore
I don’t want to be rash, or be acting in haste
A mind’s such a terrible thing to waste
But I’ve had enough
Of this pretentious stuff
And I’m not going to fake anymore
So I’ll appreciate the mainstream without irony
The common denominator’s alright by me
I’ll get all my culture from celebrities
I’ll kick back and live vicariously
I’ll be the happy fool
I won’t care if you think I’m cool
And I’m not going to fake anymoreWhen trying to get it right it’s so easy to lose sight
And chase an ideal you so want to be real
Well, I’m not going to fake anymore
Self image is such a bind
It’ll sap all of your energy and monopolise your time
Giving all that you’ve got to be what you’re not
Well, I’m not going to fake anymore

So I’ll watch Premiership football and reality TV
If I feel like it I’ll play the lottery
I’ll vote on X-Factor and love BGT
Buy my clothes on the high street, drink regular tea
No guilty pleasures, no sacred cows
Quoting books I’ve not read, I’m beyond all that now
I’ll be affected by marketing like everyone else
Including those who think they’re not
But for now I’m just going to end
Trying to impress people who aren’t my friends
I’ll be the happy fool
I won’t care if you think I’m cool
And I’m not going to fake anymore

Of course, there’s always a chance I could be wrong
Well in that case, I’ll just write another song
I’ll be the happy fool
I won’t care if you think I’m cool
And I’m not going to fake anymore

credits

from Songs From The Age Of Human Error, released November 7, 2015
Words and music by Kerry Jackson-Kay
Performed and produced by Kerry Jackson-Kay
I’ve always known I’m not cool and probably never will be and while I tend to be pretty alternative in my tastes I don’t bear any grudge against any part of mainstream popular culture, good luck to anyone who puts the work in.  While I can certainly be pretentious at times (often willfully so) to me the definition of pretention is to select things to like based entirely on how  well they fit with perceived intellectual or ‘scene’ status.
 
Having begun the album with the line “If  having all the answers means no longer asking questions, then wisdom’s not all it’s cracked up to be”, I felt it rounded things off nicely to end it with the observation that “There’s always a chance I might be wrong/well, in that case I’ll just write another song”.  The reason I hope the Age Of Human Error never ends is because the alternative, an age where we’re all really, really certain of every aspect of a reality far too big and complex for any human to ever understand completely, is terrifying.

Life As A Tourist

January 12, 2016 — Leave a comment

Songs From The Age Of Human Error by Kerry Jackson-Kay

Never belonging, always passing through
What people say never matches what they do
Seems like everyone’s deluded except you
But how would you even know if that’s not true?
Dressed up to our true ideals
The golden image of the inner self
Scavenged costume and painted cake
So unwitting of our teenager mistakes
You despaired of the girls we saw
In their combats and boots
How can they so waste their femininity?
You so wanted to guide them
But I would have been them
Life as a tourist
Searching for the world supposed to be
On a spinning lump of stone somewhere far from home
I will be the perfect me, wait and see
City boy achieves his dream and buys his place in the country
But the locals won’t indulge his fantasy
He complains about the lack of respect
They show for their rustic heritage
Lord of the Mock Tudor Manor, knight of the Vorsprung Durch
And they hated him and mocked his name
And rightly so, because who’d like such a man that would patronise
But are we guilty of just the same behaviour?
Life as a tourist
Searching for the world supposed to be
Life as a tourist
Searching for the world supposed to be
On a spinning lump of stone somewhere far from home
I will be the perfect me, wait and see
On a spinning lump of stone somewhere far from home
I will be the perfect me, whatever I most want to beLife as a tourist
Searching for the world supposed to be
Life as a tourist
Life as a tourist

credits

from Songs From The Age Of Human Error, released November 7, 2015
Words and music by Kerry Jackson-Kay
Performed and produced by Kerry Jackson-Kay
This one didn’t have a chorus until the very last minute.  The original concept was a series of related verses about how desire to find a place that will match the idealised vision most of us build of how life ought to be can result in behaviour and attitudes that only increase alienation and isolation, leading to the simple conclusion that this is life as a tourist.  Once I actually recorded it though, the need for a more developed chorus section became apparent.
The second verse is a reference to some I encountered in the trans scene who seemed to treat crossdressing as a mission of conquest to demonstrate to their tomboyish girlfriends how to more closely resemble the perfect women they wished them to be, with predictably awful results for all concerned.  The third verse describes a scenario familiar to anyone who has lived in anywhere vaguely rural, where wealthy urbanites will arrive in pursuit of an idyllic country house existence with barely disguised contempt for locals showing any signs of living in a way not fitting with their Olde Englishe Dornford Yates fantasies. 

P.T.S.U.C.

January 12, 2016 — Leave a comment

Songs From The Age Of Human Error by Kerry Jackson-Kay

lyrics

Born out of passion so was he
Conceived accidentally
That his life was a mistake they made sure he knew
And they made him very grateful too
As he spawned into disgrace
He learned to always know his place
Never show his sorry face
Punish the sad unrighteous child.
He learned to keep well out of sight
Never question what was right
Not hear the noises in the night
(p.t.s.u.c.)
And as he grew to be a lad
He was beaten whenever he was bad
Repented that he’d made them mad
Punish the sad unrighteous child.
Though it hurt he understood
They did it all for his own good
Bastions of great parenthood
(p.t.s.u.c.)
And as he grew to be a teen
He learned to forget things he’d seen
Never get caught in between
Punish the sad unrighteous child.As he grew to an adult
He never held his folks at fault
Rationalised each fresh assault
…..
‘Cause through the bruises, cuts and stings
He knew he owed them everything
All they’d sacrificed for his upbringing
(p.t.s.u.c.)
And when one day he took a wife
And they in turn brought forth new life
He brought it up as best he knew:
Punish the sad unrighteous child
Punish the sad unrighteous child
Punish the sad unrighteous child.

credits

from Songs From The Age Of Human Error, released November 7, 2015
Words and music by Kerry Jackson-Kay
Performed and produced by Kerry Jackson-Kay
Put simply, a story about an abused child.  While it is not in my nature to judge the values and parenting of others (professional safeguarding duties as a teacher aside), I am extremely grateful for the upbringing, support and relationship I enjoy with my own parents, having seen too often the terrible damage that can and does occur when those things are not there.

Macho Mouth

January 12, 2016 — Leave a comment

Songs From The Age Of Human Error by Kerry Jackson-Kay

I don’t want to hear your macho mouth no more
I don’t want to hear your macho mouth no more
You’re round here every afternoon
You’ll drive me crazy if you don’t stop soon
I don’t want to hear your macho mouth no more

Whatever it is you’ve got for me I don’t want it
Take it to some other place to flaunt it
Your pestering’s driving me insane
Get it into your stupid brain
That I don’t want to hear your macho mouth no more

(chorus)

Whatever it is you’ve got to say I won’t hear it
I don’t want to know, I don’t want to listen, clear it
Your voice grates hard on my inside
It makes me dream of homicide
I don’t want to hear your macho mouth no more

(chorus)

Whatever it is you’ve got for me I won’t look at it
Put that ugly thing away before I slam a book on it
I’ve told you loads, I won’t tell you more
Please stop knocking on my door
I don’t want to hear your macho mouth no more

I don’t want to hear your macho mouth no more
I don’t want to hear your macho mouth no more
Not tomorrow, not today
Not at all, go away
I don’t want to hear your macho mouth no more

credits
from Songs From The Age Of Human Error, released November 7, 2015
Words and music by Kerry Jackson-Kay
Performed and produced by Kerry Jackson-Kay

This was originally titled “Monkey Face” and was inspired by a gay stalker I picked up while doing some temp building work in my early 20s.  He eventually took the hint and left me alone, but until then he was as persistent as he was crude and annoying. 

The song is based on the old jazz standard “Mama Don’t Allow It”. 

Idiot

January 12, 2016 — Leave a comment

Songs From The Age Of Human Error by Kerry Jackson-Kay

A man on an island, but with ancestors from foreign lands
Despairs of the fate of his people
Invaded by faces and colours and words he can’t understand
He spits out testosterone
He has warrior blood in his genes
Too bad it never made it to his brain
‘Cause there ain’t no courage to be seen
Could it be he’s a racist?
Could it be he’s just frightened?
What he is is an idiot
Everything else is just a symptom.

And all he sees around is Queer Folk
He wonders what’s the world coming to
By force of personality he’s decided more lesbians
Than any other agent could do
He knows all he needs to know
The papers spell it all out so clear
Perverts and homos and lifters and freaks
Had better never show their faces round here
Could it be he’s a homophobe?
Could it be he’s just frightened?
What he is is an idiot
Everything else is just a symptom.

Standing in the safety of his self-importance
Dividing the world into Them And Me
God forbid things might be more complicated
His Dad always taught him
He knows what’s right and what’s wrong
The right’s in the mirror, the wrong’s over there
And bullying makes a man strong
Could it be he’s a bigot?
Could it be he’s just frightened?
What he is is an idiot
Everything else is just a symptom.

Could it be he’s frustrated?
Could it be he’s just frightened?
What he is is an idiot
Everything else is just a symptom.

credits
from Songs From The Age Of Human Error, released November 7, 2015
Words and music by Kerry Jackson-Kay
Performed and produced by Kerry Jackson-Kay

Pretty self-explanatory, this one.  I wrote it around 2004 at a time when I was consciously avoiding writing political songs (I was never a fan of t-shirt politics in music or elsewhere) and wanted to write a catch-all song to deride the assortment of bigotted views I actually did want to attack.  

I’ll admit to cleaning up the more profane original title of the song for this recording – in my younger days I thought the sentiment called for a stronger word, but now I actually prefer the blunt insolence of the simple ‘idiot’.  

Let Go From The Get Go

January 12, 2016 — Leave a comment

Songs From The Age Of Human Error by Kerry Jackson-Kay

Everybody wants to be somebody (else)
Everybody wants to be somebody (else)
Everybody wants to be somebody
Nobody wants to be a nobody
But I wouldn’t want to be nobody else.In a world so harsh, uncaring, competitive and rough
You can often get the feeling that you’re just not good enough
So you try to be more popular, try to be the star
Change yourself, homogenise
But you’re amazing as you are

Let go from the get go
Why sacrifice for someone else’s dreams?
Folks will snipe and criticise
Folks will hate you too
But the answer isn’t always what it seems
We are created as we are, not as we’re wanted to be
You can’t improve a flower by wishing it a tree

Everybody wants to be somebody (else)
Everybody wants to be somebody (else)
Everybody wants to be somebody
Nobody wants to be a nobody
But I wouldn’t want to be nobody else

Let go – don’t spend your life a wannabe
Don’t waste your time distressing on what others want to see
You can wear all kinds of uniform
Join the army, join a mob
And stand up for whatever views might justify the job
But who’re we fooling anyway?
You’re not an actor in a play
The devil sings the sweetest song
To those who just want to belong

Everybody wants to be somebody (else)
Everybody wants to be somebody (else)
Everybody wants to be somebody
Nobody wants to be a nobody
But I wouldn’t want to be nobody else.

Let go from the get go
Let go from the get go
Let go from the get go

Blessed are the misfits, blessed are the freaks
Blessed are the losers, ’cause we’re all of us unique
It’s not good for your sanity, it’s not good for your health
When you set out to destroy the things
That remind you of yourself
‘Cause when you’ve finished changing everything that you’re about
You’ll find yourself no different to how you started out

Everybody wants to be somebody (else)
Everybody wants to be somebody (else)
Everybody wants to be somebody
Nobody wants to be a nobody
But I wouldn’t want to be nobody else.

credits

from Songs From The Age Of Human Error, released November 7, 2015
Words and music by Kerry Jackson-Kay
Performed and produced by Kerry Jackson-Kay
I originally wrote the main hook line for this, “Everybody wants to be somebody (else)”, for a poem called “The Clique” back around 1997.  I found it again in my old notebook around 2011 and developed it into the funk jam that became this song.  
This is  the type of song that benefits from a long gestation period – in between those two years I went from being a pure jazz musician to a goth to a Christian, I adopted  a variety of names and identities  for different projects, explored my gender and sexuality and experienced all manner of social groupings and life experiences, only to find after all that I’m not that much different from when I began, it’s just slightly more in perspective now.
Let go from the get go and just be yourself, whatever that may be.  You are anyway.

Yourself

January 12, 2016 — Leave a comment

Songs From The Age Of Human Error by Kerry Jackson-Kay

On the town every night
The life and soul of every social gathering
No time for yourself
Pleased to help, aim to please
Such noble thoughts as these to you come naturally
No time for yourself
Spread yourself so thinly, always giving more
A constant stream of people coming to your door
Make time for everybody
But never think to make time for yourself
Life’s a blast, it never ends
So many great friends and boundless energy
No time for yourself
Work all day, play all night
It’s alright, you wouldn’t want it any other way
But, now and then, find yourself.
Sample everything, retain what feels right
Taste the thrill of victory without a fight
Make time for everybody
But remember everyone includes yourself.

credits

from Songs From The Age Of Human Error, released November 7, 2015
Words and music by Kerry Jackson-Kay
Performed and produced by Kerry Jackson-Kay
This one is dedicated to a number of generous and selfless individuals I have known over the years who would think nothing of bending over backwards to help and be there for others, wonderful positive people who deserve permission to kick back and indulge themselves every now and then without feeling the need to apologise.

A Falling Tree

January 12, 2016 — Leave a comment

Songs From The Age Of Human Error by Kerry Jackson-Kay

I write the songs that no-one ever hears
Mine is a face that no-one would revere
My voice is loud but barely makes a sound
My light is brightest when nobody’s around
I don’t seek celebrity
Plasticised identity
Constrained creativity
Rather be a falling tree
My colours change with shadows and sunbeams
My mind’s a chaos of nightmares, thoughts and dreams
My mood is shifting and volatile at times
My skin is patterned with unique fractal lines
I don’t seek celebrity
Plasticised identity
Constrained creativity
Rather be a falling tree
I don’t seek celebrity
Plasticised identity
Constrained creativity
Proud to be a falling tree

credits

from Songs From The Age Of Human Error, released November 7, 2015
Words and music by Kerry Jackson-Kay
Performed and produced by Kerry Jackson-Kay

Something that constantly humbles me is just how many really good musicians, writers and artists there are out there who no-one’s ever heard of.  Sometimes you encounter them in small DIY gigs and open mics, playing for themselves in the back rooms of folk pubs or, more recently, in discreet corners of the internet where they show their work with no expectation of commercial success, fame, adulation or financial reward – they create because it’s who they are, what they do and how they express themselves.  This is the original meaning of the word “amateur”, which has shifted over the years to a patronising insult mostly due to insecure professionals justifying their worth (I used to be one of those insecure  professionals before I figured out where my priorities lay).    

I came to regard the old philosophical question of whether a tree falling in the forest makes a noise if no-one is there to hear it as a perfect metaphor for artistic intent.  There are locations on planet Earth that are rarely explored where beautiful species of plants, trees and fauna can arise, briefly thrive and either evolve into something else or become extinct without any human ever knowing they existed at all.  The sound made by  a falling tree, the beauty of an undiscovered species or the expression of an unknown piece of art exists at its point of time and contributes to the sum total of life even if it exists only briefly and dies with its creator and no-one is  so important that their attention and approval is a requirement for authenticating existence.  Many great artists were only ever discovered and recognised posthumously – while  I’m not nearly conceited enough to imagine I might join them one day, it does put a perspective on the importance of recognition.  My old music teacher once told me that no-one can change what you are, but whether you are recognised as such is a different matter.

I personally have no particular desire to be famous – as far as I can tell it involves giving up far too much freedom, privacy and integrity in return for whatever benefits it might bring, though others might feel differently.   Having said all that, it does feel better to have an audience than to be ignored.   

Don’t Want To Choose

January 12, 2016 — Leave a comment

Songs From The Age Of Human Error by Kerry Jackson-Kay

It’s been said so many times it has to be true
You can never have your cake and eat it up too
Well that may be so but I’ve still got to try
I want to have my cake, eat it, taste it, share it, love it
I don’t want to choose
I don’t want to choose
I don’t want to choose
You’ve got to hold fast, pin your colours to the mast
Don’t change your game, stay the same as when they saw you last
Am I a boy or a girl?
How do I fit in this world?
Am I rich or poor, black or white, do I give up?
I don’t want to choose
I don’t want to choose
I don’t want to choose
Do you think that I’m sick ’cause I don’t deny the feelings I have inside?
Do you think I’m a freak ’cause I don’t want to find a safe place to run and hide?
Do you think I’m a coward ’cause I don’t want to fight for your ignorance?
When did freedom become such a dirty word?The world isn’t black, the world isn’t white
They try to tell me that it is but I know it isn’t right
It’s a world of many colours, so much wonderful stuff
One life per person really isn’t enough
I don’t want to choose
I don’t want to choose
I don’t want to choose

Do you think that I’m sick ’cause I don’t deny the feelings I have inside?
Do you think I’m a freak ’cause I don’t want to find a safe place to run and hide?
Do you think I’m a coward ’cause I don’t want to fight for your ignorance?
When did freedom become such a dirty word?

credits

from Songs From The Age Of Human Error, released November 7, 2015
Words and music by Kerry Jackson-Kay
Performed and produced by Kerry Jackson-Kay
I wrote this some time around 2006.  Gender fluidity is one of the inspiring contexts, but more generally this is about pressure to pick and commit to a particular set of traits and beliefs in order to belong to an established group, which always involves also rejecting something else.  This frustration is a recurring theme in my work – it bothers me when important and personal issues get turned into currency to make people choose one side or another for arbitrary reasons.  

The Age Of Human Error

January 12, 2016 — Leave a comment

Songs From The Age Of Human Error by Kerry Jackson-Kay

 If having all the answers means no longer asking questions
Then wisdom’s not all it’s crack up to be
Smelting down the infinite for a sword and shield of truth
In a citadel of desperate certainty
Never let fear of being wrong confine you in any way
What’s a little confusion amongst friends?
I hope the age of human error never ends
Self-consciously defending a guilt-edged silver throne
No empire ever rose that never fell
But the path of human progress is no game of zero sum
And superiority suits no-one well
Never let position of privilege confine you in any way
Pride loses more than it defends
I hope the age of human error never ends
Fantasise of what we might be
Realise it’s not wrong to dream
It never is to late to make amends
I hope the age of human error never ends
If you dream about tomorrow you must pay for it today
And those dreams about tomorrow may still up and fly away
While the cost of never living is to simply never try until you die
Better to have failed and tried again
I hope the age of human error never ends
Never let fear of anything confine you in any way
It never is to late to make amends
I hope the age of human error never ends

credits

from Songs From The Age Of Human Error, released November 7, 2015
Words and music by Kerry Jackson-Kay
Performed and produced by Kerry Jackson-Kay

The title for this came from a quote by the American journalist Florence King, who wrote, “People are so busy dreaming the American Dream, fantasizing about what they could be or have a right to be, that they’re all asleep at the switch. Consequently we are living in the Age of Human Error”.   My response to this is, who says living in the Age Of Human Error is a bad thing? 

If fear of making mistakes is stopping you from dreaming, that doesn’t mean you won’t make mistakes.  It just means you’ll deny them when you do.